I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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