He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize