so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
