I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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