4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
