worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
