I'm so fucking centered right now
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
