Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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