I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
