someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
