Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
