I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
