I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Randomize
