There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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