uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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