Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
