my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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