Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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