But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
