My first STD was from a foam party
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
