I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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