I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
