Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
