SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
