im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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