I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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