Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
tell me about the fingering
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