evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
