Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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