# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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