I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
