There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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