So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
