Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize