By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
