I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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