youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Someone signed my nipple.
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