I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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