I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
