ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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