I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
