My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
