the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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