Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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