i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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