I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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