At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
