Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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