so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
