he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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