Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
