Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
