The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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