Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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