Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize