I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize