I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
