please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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