you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
