her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
