The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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