You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize