Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
