i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
