I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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