he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
